Thursday, March 13, 2008

On a more personal note.

I have debated about sharing this, but I think it will glorify God and perhaps help others, so why not. Many of you may not know that I suffer from a form of social anxiety. When I get in situations that I am unfamiliar with (like moving to a new country, or traveling new places) I have anxiety, it is hard to describe the feeling, it is a nauseousness and . . . just a really uncomfortable feeling. I have prayed often and in tears at times for God to remove this thorn from my flesh. I have even hesistantly tried medication, didn't seem to help. I have wondered if it was just a lack of faith at first. I have suffered with it since High school. This may come as a suprise to many because once I am comfortable I can be natural and outgoing. It is unpredictable, in some circumstances when you would think I would have it, I don't. Yet some where I thought I would not, I do. I am thankfully for Angie's support and help during these difficult times. This makes service to God difficult at times. I have found that God is all about getting you out of your comfort zone. Why you may ask, as I did, would God call me to preach, to the mission field, to another country? I can only assume because through me, He gets all the glory. It was not my strength that got me on the airplane to fly here. I almost told Dad to turn the church van around twice. I prayed hard and begged God to give me the strength just to get out of the van and into the airport, to accomplish what I knew he wanted for my life. I almost was not able to take my children to the Eiffel tower a week or so ago, it was hard to say that Daddy may not be able to go. I have come to realize that it is only by God's strength that I can face everyday situations. On our first trip to France, I was unable to eat for the first three days, yet by God's strength I was able to make it. I believe that that is where God wants us all to be, relying on him for our daily strength, and giving him the thanks and glory for it. Thankfully, my anxiety has gotten less and less over the last few years. My prayer is that it will not return again, though I have come to accept that it probably will. But even if it does not, I hope that I always realize that it is by God's strength I face each day and circumstances. And I pray that God gets all the glory for whatever He accomplishes through my life. Amen, JASON


Aaron Johnson said...

Great story! Thanks for sharing your heart.

Stacie said...

We're praying for you, Jas. Sometimes it might actually help letting people know about your struggles. This way we will know how to pray. We love you and your family and are praying that God will use you for His honor and glory.